time to think...

so nothing much has been going on recently. the heat has driven me inside... and time inside has driven me to think. having spent the last 8 or so years of my life running from one thing to the next, i often get frustrated with so much free time because i don't know what to do with myself. but i see the Lord using even my free time...

i know there is a lot of discussion among Christians about what it truly means and looks like to be a Christ-follower. i meet more and more people that are developing real passion for issues of "social justice"... as i have been faced with a lot of decisions regarding my finances, living situation, etc. lately, i have had to put my "passions" into action.

for a long time now, i have known that i'm not called to live a comfortable, easy life... i don't necessarily think i will end up across the world, dying as a martyr... but i beg God often that He will keep me from being sucked into the convenient, consumerist life that i see all around me... i fear that i will not truly understand my Humble Savior or live like Him if i "buy into" it all.

i really struggle with what my role is as a Westerner, an American... when i look at the immense poverty of the world... from third world countries to the family just down the street from me (literally). i simply cannot ignore God's words to "learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause." i cannot forget for a second that He is a God consumed with "[letting] the oppressed go free, and [breaking] every yoke."

my spirit, my soul are weighed down as i sit in my wonderful apartment, or as i go buy whatever i need at the store, or as a send a "small" amount to my friend in haiti each month... wondering if i'm really doing what i can to seek justice, relieve oppression. i know God's grace and work in my life are not contingent on what i do, but if i am truly in Christ, how do i neglect what i know the heart of Christ beats and breaks for?

just the thoughts that plague me...