well...i have been busy at work and have not updated much...i'm not sure how much there is to say, but here i am! i'm in my third week at starbucks, and i actually wake up most days excited to go to work - i love it! i work with some wonderful people and i just enjoy what i get to do...i mean, you can't complain about free starbucks drinks all day! :-)

other than work, i was able to go on a retreat with the young adult bible study i've been going to...and that was good. i wasn't necessarily in need of a "retreat" yet, but it was a great chance to meet some people and be reminded of my purpose in being here in Nashville...there are some opportunities for me to get involved in the lives of the downtrodden, oppressed and often-ignored people here in Nashville...and i'm stoked. i'm ready to be a part of Jesus setting some people free!

every day it starts to feel a little more like home...but i wonder if i will ever really feel at "home" anywhere in this world...i am so hungry for my Groom to come for me...

so that's the update... a continual lesson of trust and rest in my God, knowing it's not up to me, and it never was!

i don't wanna leave here, but i don't wanna stay
feels like pinching to me either way
and the places i long for the most are the places where i've been
they are calling out to me like a long lost friend

it's not about losing faith, it's not about trust
it's all about comfortable when you move so much
and the place i was wasn't perfect, but i had found a way to live
and it wasn't milk or honey, but then neither is this

i've been painting pictures of egypt
leaving out what it lacks
cause the future feels so hard
and i wanna go back
but the places that used to fit me
cannot hold the things i've learned
and those roads were closed off to me
while my back was turned

the past is so tangible, i know it by heart
familiar things are never easy to discard
i was dying for some freedom but now i hesitate to go
i am caught between the promise and the things i know

if it comes too quick, i may not recognize it
is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
if it comes too quick, i may not appreciate it
is that the reason behind all this time and sand?...

~sara groves

this song has played over my ipod on each of the 3 trips i've made now from cedarville to nashville...and i don't think i could say it any better. in talking to a friend the other day, i found myself explaining my life right now as being in the wilderness...i know that i have the promises of peace and milk and honey in front of me...but that seems so distant as i wrestle through the "sand" that i can so clearly see all around me...

so i learn each day more and more to cling to the promises of my Faithful Savior, who has never failed me and certainly never will! every day He shows Himself so true to me...

i started work at starbucks today...spent five hours learning about how to clean and be nice to people. it was not especially exciting, but i know i will like it there...all of the "partners" i have met so far are so nice and helpful. tomorrow i will learn the espresso bar...so don't come into the maryland farms starbucks if you want a good cup of coffee! :-)

thanks for those of you who are reading...and praying...you have no idea how the Lord is answering...

it's a slow process...

psalm 147.5-6
how blessed is he whole help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the LORD his God,
who made heaven and earth,
the sea and all that is in them...

i came back to nashville on wednesday for a job interview at starbucks...it went fine but now i'm just waiting...still sitting around with not much to do...and the pressure of finding a job is intensifying every day...

being back these past few days has been a huge battle in my heart, and a test of my trust in the Lord...most of the time, i don't want to be here...my heart is not here. but the Lord keeps drawing my eyes back to Him, His sovereignty and complete control over my life...and He has brought so much comfort and refuge in the midst of all the doubt and fear that plague me...

i went to a young adult bible study at a church on thursday night and had the chance to meet a few people, one of which is from kansas city...we got together last night and talked for a while, and it has been a huge blessing to have the first bit of friendship here...it's things like that that the Lord uses to keep me going, keep me trusting...

it's hard to try and explain the feelings of being here...you'll only understand if you've done it.

i'm so glad to know that my life is in Stronger Hands than mine.

feels like home to me...

tomorrow i am driving up to cedarville...

i may never come back...

what now?...

it's sunday afternoon... and my parents have left.

i'm officially on my own.

with a big dream in a big world.

what now?

i was telling randy, whose house i am living in for awhile (he's my mom's cousin's husband...how's that for connections?), that i don't even know what i'm going to do with myself this week, having no job and knowing no one... and he just said, "well, the first thing you need to do this week is just spend a lot of time in prayer."

such simple advice... that i desperately needed to hear. they're having people over tonight for a going away party for their daughter, and he told me that they would love to have a prayer time for me... to offer me a support system, to know that people are behind me... wow.

in just 2 days of being here, there have already been little things happen where i have just seen my God show up... He is quietly speaking comfort to my nervous heart... reminding me that i am His.

i can't wait to watch His plans unfold.

here i am...

psalm 62.8
trust in the Lord at all times, o people;
pour out your heart to Him;
God is a refuge for us.

as i drove the 6 hours down to nashville today, following my parents in a van filled with my stuff, i was reminded of the dreams that were in my heart 8 months ago when i started heading this direction... how desperately i wanted to make the name of Jesus Christ known wherever i land, and how excited i was at the thought of doing that in nashville... a city with a church on every corner, and every other person you meet is a 'christian'...
i thought of everything the Lord has done over the past 4 years at college, the things He has broken my heart for, the trials He's taken me through, the joy and the victories had in walking closely with Him... and at the risk of being overly-dramatic, i can't help but feel that coming here is the culmination of all of that... this is where He has taken me, after all He has done in me...
and i want nothing else but to magnify His name... HIS NAME... not the name of cara slaybaugh... i want to be okay with no-one looking twice at my name... but i want people to see my Beautiful Savior.

i know those can be just words... but that is all i know to say to express my heart right now... i have felt every emotion under the sun today, and i am plagued by doubt and fear of what is to come in the next months and years... but when i am reminded of the faithfulness of my God, and that He wants His name to be magnified in this city even more than i do... i can rest.

stay tuned for the journey of a starving artist in love with her Pursuer...